Many things have kept me up at night lately. But tonight, this reality is hitting me hard. In possibly 4 weeks time, I will have “had” a baby and it will be here. In this house. With us. As its parents.

Right now, the lights are dim, Nick is soundly asleep and everything’s quiet. I’m a little tired, but nothing a good nap tomorrow won’t cure. And my baby is snuggled in my belly, no chance of crying or screaming aloud. She’s content and life, it seems, is in the waiting. Like the calm before the storm.

Or at least that’s what everyone tells me.

All of a sudden, as my belly protrudes further and further into public space, people feel more at liberty to tell me how my life is going to change. A lot of “oh my gosh you will never sleep” and “you think you’re tired now” and “you’ll never be the same”…which is great. Thank you, world, for preparing me. And scaring the crap out of me, too. Which may be why I sit here, late at night, wondering if I have what it takes to stay the same and still be a great mother and wife.

And then I remember this.

My mom did it. Nick’s mom did it. My friends are doing it. And people are still ok. People are still normal. And my mom, in particular, didn’t have all these books around (I’m sure she still got the cacophony of advice) or youtube videos to watch – and she did it. She had me and my brother, raised us, fed us and still had fun. And still had a life of her own. We just melded into that life like we were always there.

So, yes, I’m a little scared. And yeah, maybe a lot naive. But people do what I’m about to do every day and they make it. They still laugh, have fun, and love their life – no matter how much sleep they get. So as I appreciate the fact that things will change, they can only go up if I get to meet another part of my very interesting husband. And I know there’s a whole other part of me I’m ready to meet, too.

“I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice; had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes.”
- Edna St. Vincent Millay

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